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[10 Apr 2002|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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| [ |
music |
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Funkmobile - Bass is Base |
] |
Last night went to see Dr. Chaos at The Max. Leanne and I went over to Kari's first and drank a bit(ok I was drunk)had some yummy raspberry sour puss, corona, b&w liquere and a rather nasty glass of citrus vodka and orange juice. So we get there and I can walk straight which was a good sign lol, and Tanya is there. So I go over and sit down for a minute and she's like 'this seat is taken, you should have come earlier to get seats' so I walked away and sat with Kari, Jen, & Kevin. The show was pretty funny, people were trying to talk to me but it was a little loud and I was a little intoxicated so nothing made sense. All in all not a bad night, I didn't hit on anyone which is amazing for me. But I woke up this morning with Kari's cat Cyna walking all over my back lol.
Went Costco shopping, and they didn't have the stuff I wanted! grrr
and now my cd burner is being a bitch and won't make me any cd's :(
I work at 7am tomorrow..I should sleep
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[09 Apr 2002|08:39am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Transilvanian Concubine - Rasputina |
] |
Its only 8:30am..I had a very vivid dream of being pregnant and I couldn't shake it so I had to get up, it was really scaring me. I could feel my stomach ballooning while I slept so I kept trying to roll on my stomach. I was wearing this black spiderweb laced dress and my hair was blue and spikey and I kept going up and down this big elevator and kept opening up to a warehouse floor filled with airplanes. Then somehow I was on Victoria street wandering around the theatre trying to figure out how I was going to tell my mother. Then my water broke, or so I thought so I ran up to the hospital and she was already there. Of course she commented on my appearance(not the pregnancy part). Turns out I was 7 months pregnant but since I rarely eat it didn't show much. I remember telling my mom her grandaughter was going to be named Azura Blu and she said 'I hope she's straight'. All of a sudden I was in labor and Kelly was too, and she was freaking out at Todd and I had nobody to yell at because my baby had no father since I hadn't had sex with a male for almost 2yrs. Then just as my baby was born..I woke up
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[08 Apr 2002|11:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 devious |
] |
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music |
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Strange Fruit - Catherine Wheel |
] |
On the News Front:
*I am now involved with Tanya in a non-serious, semi-sexual casual relationship. I still get to call her my girlfriend though*
*am 95% sure I will get at least one piercing done this summer*
*It was Benji's 20th B-day last night, we took him to McDonalds and played Sexual Trivia*
*My parents might buy me a decked out hippi VW van for no reason*
*I did not like Moulin Rouge but am obsessed with Ghost World again*
*I am destined never to own a red plaid skirt*
*Tuesday night I am going to see Dr. Chaos and drink until I can't remember my own name*
*I've been listening to Catherine Wheel & Cranes non stop for the past 2 weeks*
*Lost my favourite shade of red lipstick(lethal vamp)*
*haven't had sex in 3 months and 11 days*
*lesbian pool party guest list keeps getting longer and longer, 24 names added as of now*
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[07 Apr 2002|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Catherine Wheel - I Want to Touch You |
] |
So apparently if I want a red plaid skirt I have to be a size 9 at Value Village! Yeah like that's ever gonna happen!
On the upside I got a yellow t-shirt that says Cat Diesel Power on it!
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[06 Apr 2002|01:23am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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zzzzzzzzzzzz |
] |
I feel like a she-bitch mega whore right now, I want to put on a vinyl catsuit and crack my whip while hissing at everyone. And I want everyone to want me..I want to be surrounded by every person I've ever lusted for and have them fighting over me, while I evily laugh at them pursing my full blood red lips. Ok I'm demonic now!
I feel like changing my image, I'm bored with it. Have to re-dye my bangs tomorrow, and I'd like to go buy a short plaid skirt but put some pvc buckles on it and maybe buy some new glasses, solid black cat eyes instead of tinted blue squares.
Gas prices went back to 61.9 today! woo hoo!
Went to KariQween's tonight hung out with Leanne. Got to meet Jen today, found out she likes John Cusack too! I think we have a lot in common, and not just our similar hair style(red bangs even) and funky shaped glasses. I'd like to get to know her better. I love how when you get a room full of girls sex always comes up haha oh and masterbation(at least with my friends). Hope we didn't scare Kari with our horror stories of virginity loss and carpet munching lol.
Feeling a bit better today than yesterday, but still want to get shit faced and forget about stuff. Talked to Tanya for a bit, she has time for me next week yay!
Ok time to go dream about whips chains and everything nice hehe
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[05 Apr 2002|02:38pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
Its funny how out of the loop you get when you don't see your friends for 2 weeks...last night I learnt that 3 of my closest friends are potentially almost definately moving away. Leanne is going to Victoria for the summer, possibly longer to work and be with her girlfriend. Annabree & Natasha are joining NorthWest and working up there for possibly 3yrs. This was a big shocker to hear 3 of the people you cherish most in the world will be leaving your sight. Now I'm not a person with a lot of close friends so to loose them will be hard to deal with...plus if Tanya moves in Alberta in Sept I am down to about 2 good friends...I think I'm gonna cry now..
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[03 Apr 2002|11:05am] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
] |
I have 2 closets
which are shrines to the inner me.
My clothes are organized according to color.
Even though I never wear it, I still keep my George Costanze T-shirt in my closet.
The clothing item that is most representative of my personality is my blue vintage college sweater jacket because its unique and comfy
The people who have most influenced my style are my friends
because they let me dress like a maniac
Most of my fashion inspiration comes from my friend Leanne
If I could steal the clothes from anyone's closet it would be
a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Drew Barrymore
I love to shop at Hot Topic
I own too many pairs of shoes
My underwear drawer is filled with bright colors
My clothing style is punk girl fashion victim
My worst fashion faux pas there is no such thing
In high school my style was ultra jock
When I get dressed I listen to Madonna
My signiture item is my orange nikes
To me style means brave, individual expression
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[03 Apr 2002|12:46am] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
] |
Went to see Death to Smoochy tonight with KariQueen, felt kinda bad cause Tanya was suppost to come over after her 10pm class but I thought she needed more sleep and to concentrate on her school work for this last week. So I left her a note on her car. But she emailed me and sounded a bit upset. I wasn't ditching her for Kari, I made those plans after I decided that Tanya needed less stress from me. Anyways the movie was quite good despite the bad reviews, its black comedy what did people expect all sunshine and rainbows! Oh wait they did have some catchy childrens songs(and you thought Barney was bad) Ed Norton was hilarious he's a brilliant actor. I give this one 2 horns up lol I kill myself!!!!
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[02 Apr 2002|10:52am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Calling - Wherever you go |
] |
I decided some things about school this week. I am going to get my certificate for social work at UCC, which is only a year, do a shit load of vollunteer work inbetween and then finish off my degree in Calgary. Kelly is going to set me up with some places here and in Alberta that will help me. My dream job would be as an advocate for foster care children. I want to make it legal everywhere for gay parents to adopt, and to foster kids. I want to make the applications for being a foster parent harder because more abuse happens in foster care to these children than with their own parents. Something is wrong with that...
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[01 Apr 2002|09:39am] |
I was feeling rather naughty the other night so I sent Tanya an email, rather descriptive, about how I feel and what I want. I think I scared her..she didn't know how to react to it. I told her she was more than just sex to me, and that I'd wait until she was ready. Its been 1 month and 23 days and our physical relationship has consisted of make out sessions and 1 attempt at sex. I don't want to pressure her but its hard to be around her sometimes when all I want to do is ravage her. She's nervous about something, sex changes things I know, but I think for the better, and I have this longing to merge our body mind and soul as one..
I want to be swept off my
feet
cherished
looked at lovingly worshipped
I want the passion, the romance
the middle of the night kisses
the little signs that I am loved
I want love-making
instead of sex
I want someone to take me on the floor
cause they can't wait to get to the bed
I want ME to be good enough
I want to stop writing pity-me poems
that come after a few glasses
of wine
while I sit on the floor pulling
petals off daisies
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| HAPPY EGG DAY! |
[31 Mar 2002|11:51am] |
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Hope all my little love bunnies are having a wonderful egg day :)
I decided not to buy cards this year and not give into the commercialization of this holiday. Next year I'm only buying cards for Groundhog day haha! But my mum decided to get me something anyways. I got a shit load of mini eggs to make up for all the hershey's eggies she bought me every other year, 4 kinder surprises, a ton of jelly beans and a big chocolate cell phone. I'm collecting weird shaped chocolate I decided, so far I have a monkey, a vw bug, a cell phone and a frog. She also bought me this cute melon scoop I had been eyeing and the most amazing stationary set made of pressed flowers and rice paper. Its got a journal, photo album, paper/envelopes and 3 boxes. She rocks!
Big family turkey dinner tonight, oh joy, more hiding from the relatives when they ask me if I have a boyfriend! ugh
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[30 Mar 2002|11:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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We're not gonna take it - Bif Naked |
] |
Spent 4hrs at some lame ass party looking for shrooms cause Tanya wanted some. Ended up getting hit on by this guy Giovanni who kept yelling at everyone that 'courtney is so damn hot' and then asking for my phone # while I was sitting in Tanya's lap so she finally said 'could you stop hitting on my gf!' and of course he thought it was really cool that we were both lesbians.
My brother called last night to tell me that some guy named Sam asked him if he knew the hot chick with the glasses named Courtney that works at McDonalds. He was like 'that's my sister!' and it turns out he comes in all the time just to see if I'm working. Ok see this is why I hate wearing name tags! Now I'm gonna be paranoid!
So why is it that I can get hit on by guys now, when I am not interested in them anymore!
I need snuggles tonight, and lately Tanya hasn't provided them so I get them from friends which is fun but just not the same.
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[29 Mar 2002|10:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Blister in the Sun - Violet Femmes |
] |
Work yesterday was rather brutal, I swear the heat level in that place was turned up a notch. And yet again I was told I don't smile enough, which is total bullshit! Until I get a customer complaint I don't want to hear about it!
Went to group, saw Kelly's first sonogram picture, this kid is gonna be cute. They are going to name her Chloe if a girl and Griffin if a boy. I'm lucky enough to be getting a few hepitites A shot in april which is great, better safe than sorry.
I went over to Kari's last night, couldn't find her house cause its attached to an alley in downtown Kamloops lol and well there are a million alleys! So I had to call her on my cell well walking down the street lol, I could never deliver pizza! Her place is so cute, and her cat China is very freaky. We decided to watch Idle Hands, lol cause we both have a thing for Seth Green. That is one strange movie. Then we just sat around and talked about anything and everything, I honestly have never felt so comfortable with someone I sort of just met. And we both work in the fast food industry so she kicks ass lol!
But I missed my Vernon girlies last night, wish I could have been there :)
HAPPY EASTER if I forget to say it again on the actual day :)
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[27 Mar 2002|09:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
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music |
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secretly - skunk anasie |
] |
Nine things you wear daily:
- clear lip gloss
- rainbow ring
- orange nike shoes
- glitter hair gel
- some shade of red lipstick
- pajama pants
- a smile
- moonflower perfume
- my glasses
Eight movies you'd watch over and over:
- the nightmare before xmas
- ET
- The Breakfast Club
- Ever After
- Breakfast at Tiffanys
- The House of Yes
- Everyone says I love you
- Annie Hall
Seven albums that matter:
Tails - Lisa Loeb
Gold - Abba
Poem - Delirium
Living under June - Jann Arden
Immaculate Collection - Madonna
12 Deadly Cyns - Cyndy Lauper
Cruel Intentions soundtrack
Six objects you touch every day:
- my computer
- steering wheel
- myself
- the phone
- alarm on my clock
- toothbrush
Five things you do every day:
- hug someone
- eat
- drink tea
- pee
- check my email
Four music artists that you couldn't live without
- Abba
- Lisa Loeb
- Madonna
- Julianna Hatfield
Three of your favorite songs at this moment:
- Theme from Angel
- Someone you should know by Lisa Loeb
- Four Leaf Clover by Abra Moore
Two people that have influenced your life the most:
- my family
- Julie Anderson
One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
- love
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[26 Mar 2002|10:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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You me and the Weather - Hawksley Workman |
] |
Wednesday is Tanya's 20th birthday. I am going to abduct her, blind fold her and take her to her favourite resteraunt, where I will have a booth set up in the back, all cozy, with balloons and daisies(her fav flower). I am not a good gift giver, I make things but often wonder if those things are enough..I made her a book of love poems, bought her a lava lamp and her own toothbrush to have at my house. I'm also giving her my huge Marilyn Monroe poster she loves so much, gonna tie a big red bow around it. I don't know if this is enough...the book alone would be enough for me..
Thursday night she wanted to go to the bar so I invited a few people, and opted not to go to Vernon seeing as we get limited time together. But now she tells me she's just gonna hang out with her friend Robert. So I could go to Vernon but I already have plans with these other people. It just frustrates me!!
I am content with myself right now, but not my life. I thought I was in a safe place, but yet again I feel lost, wandering aimlessly. But maybe that is how life always is..its like you're running in quicksand, you have a destination but you never get there..
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[24 Mar 2002|08:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
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music |
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Enya - Lord of the Rings Theme |
] |
Right now..in this moment..I feel safe, loved, and capable of anything. I am surrounded by creativity and positive friends. I am rid of negative energy, and the people who brought it.
I am free to dream big and believe in the power of love.
This hasn't been the easiest of years, its hard to know who to trust or if I should trust myself, my feelings, my heart.
But I'm learning, and loving again...
*hugs* go out to all those who have kept me sane these past few months and who have been nothing but supportive..I love you all :)
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[23 Mar 2002|12:02am] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
] |
Went and saw ET tonight with Annabree, Natasha and Kari(I know way too many Kari's). The theatre was quite empty which was disapointing but I think more people will bring their kids to matinees. There were these 2 guys behind us who might have known more about ET than me..well almost as much! I did like the new version, but I am partial to the old one, it seems more real to me without the computer enhanced features. Of course I bawled lol, always do. This little girl screamed 'don't let ET die' and I had flashbacks of me as a child in the theatre saying the same thing.
Kari and I went to Zack's for hot cider and cookies and talked for 2hrs about anything and everything. Its great to have an instant connection with someone. We meet every Wed at The Grind but never really get to talk cause its a big group so it was nice to have one-on-one time. We have a lot in common and I'm hoping we'll become good friends.
Well its time for bed, gotta work in the morning then off to Vernon to see my girls :)
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| I will make you a list of exquisite things |
[21 Mar 2002|03:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
*dancing so long you forget everything but the dance*
*talking with someone for the first time and connecting*
*when a photograph of me looks better than real life*
*the moment before a first kiss, breathing a few inches from each other's face*
*naked skin on crisp white sheets*
*back tickles*
*the feeling you get when you reach the top of a peak after a long hike*
*knowing you can love freely, deeply and well deserved*
*half-sleeping*
*naked skin adorned with a single piece of jewlery*
*laughing so hard for so long you forget why you are laughing*
*someone tracing their name on your back with their fingertips*
*waking up to someone you love*
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[19 Mar 2002|09:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
Today's schedual
11am - hair appointment with Erica, time for a new look
12-2pm - shopping
2pm - lunch with Kelly
6:50pm - movie date with mother(In the Bedroom)
10pm - cuddle with Tanya
New Playlist
Goodbye to Romance - Lisa Loeb
Sheep go to Heaven - Cake
Angel theme song
Pressure - Queen & David Bowie
Oh so Quiet - Bjork
Save Me - Remy Zero
Let my love open the door - Peter Townsend
Transilvanian Concubine - Rasputina
Where you Lead - Carol King
Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
Acid - Emm Gryner
Passanger - Luna Chicks
Beautiful Girl - Poe
Give me a Reason - Portishead
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright
Funny Face - The Muffs
Flow - Transister
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| Sheep Go to Heaven by Cake |
[18 Mar 2002|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
I'm not feeling alright today
I'm not feeling that great
I'm not catching on fire today
Love has started to fade
I'm not going to smile today
I'm not going to laugh
You're outliving it up today
I got dues to pay
And the gravedigger puts puts on the forceps
The stonemason does all the work
The barber can give you a haircut
The carpenter can take you out to lunch
I just want to play on my bag pipes
I just want to drink me some wine
As soon as you're born you start dying
So you might as well have a good time
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
I don?t want to go to sunset strip
I don?t wanta feel the emptiness
Bold maces with stupid band names
I don?t want to go to sunset strip
I don?t want to go to sunset strip
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
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